


Take My Hand

by EeveeLovesWayneNewtonAndBanjos



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Confessions, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 13:04:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3174458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EeveeLovesWayneNewtonAndBanjos/pseuds/EeveeLovesWayneNewtonAndBanjos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a little something he's ready to confess to Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take My Hand

I stared at the building looking it over. I had been standing there for a while counting the windows and how many were open and how many were closed. I counted how many times the automatic doors opened. I debated on whether or not I should go in. Niall and Liam offered to come with me but I told them not to. I didn't want anyone to come with me. 

I walked in the building seeing a few people in scrubs walking around. A few people in wheelchairs were rolling around the hallways slow and most of them looked like death. It smelled strange and made me uncomfortable. It was a mixture of fresh clothes and disinfectant spray. I looked around the halls. He called and said they had moved him around a lot so I didn't exactly know where to go in this place. I walked up to a desk seeing a woman behind it getting off the phone and turning to me. 

"Yes? May I help you," she asked looking at me with a smile. 

"H-Harry," I almost shouted at her. 

She jumped noticeably in her chair looking a bit confused. God, why was I like this? I shouldn't be like this. I stood there for a minute before she opened her mouth. She was talking to me but I couldn't hear her. I had tuned her voice out and could only hear the sound of my blood pumping in my ears. I watched her lips. She seemed like she was saying 'Sorry, I don't understand.' Of course she didn't understand, all I did was blurt out his name to her.

"Harry Styles. I-I'm looking for Harry Styles. I need to find his room," I said.

She nodded tapping away at her keyboard and clicking a few times. I heard a cough in the hall on my left. It made me flinch a bit hearing it. I looked over at the man in the wheel chair. The bags under his eyes told me he didn't sleep often. The gown he wore was oversized and he was very thin. He coughed harder and the woman behind him rolled him into his room. 

"Sir," she said causing me to face her, "room 394."

"Thank you," I mumbled, but I doubt she heard me. 

I looked around finding his hall and looking at the room numbers. 391...392...393...394. I stopped and looked at it. He was on the other side but I didn't reach for the handle. I was shaking a bit. The thought of seeing him was making me uncomfortable. I didn't want to see him, not like this. I took a few deep breaths before opening the door. There he was. The blinds were closed, but due to the thin fabric it let a bit of light that was just enough to light the room. He was laying there with the mask on his face taking in the air. It was making a horrible sound and I could hear him breathing. He was hooked up to all the machines and even the heart monitor. I hated it the most, but the slow beeps indicated that his heartbeat was still there. He turned to me slow letting me look at his face. He was pale and his cheeks were sunken in. His skin was slick with sweat and I felt my eyes start to water when I looked at him.

"Louis," he said softly as he took off his mask before giving me a weak smile and putting it back on.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hold back the tears. I thought I could do it when I looked at him, but I couldn't. It was paining me to look at him in this condition. The tears fell down my cheeks fast and was about to start sobbing. He frowned a little. 

"Lou, come here," he said taking off the mask.

"Harry," I said walking over and into his now open arms. 

"Come on, lay with me," he said. 

I crawled in the little bed with him wrapping my arms around him and laying my head on his chest. His heartbeat was a bit faster when I was beside him. His hands pet my hair a bit and I breathed him in as I laid against him. His hospital dress soaked up my tears and I slowly stopped crying when his hands rubbed my back in slow circles. I nuzzled against him relaxing. 

"I thought you were never going to visit me again. I haven't seen you in forever," he told me, "I thought you had left for good." 

I looked up at him before tightening my grip on him and rubbing my cheek against his chest. 

"Easy, babe. I'm kinda fragile now. Hug me too hard and I might break," he said.

"I'm sorry. I just missed you." 

"I didn't know you missed me. I also didn't know you were upset about what's wrong with my lungs."

"I just want you to be okay. I care about you."

"I care about you too, Lou."

I looked up at him. He looked different . He put his mask back down so he could breathe in the air. I kissed the center of his chest before reaching up and caressing his cheek. He smiled before looking down at me. I felt his hand stop rubbing my back and he laid on his side to face me. He took a few more deep breaths before slowing down again. 

"I really thought you were gonna stop visiting me," he said sounding a bit sad. 

"I'm sorry. It's just hard seeing you like this. I-I'm just scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared I'm gonna lose you, Haz." 

"You wont lose me. I'm okay right now."

"But what if you aren't? I don't know what I'm going to do if you die."

"Keep on living, Lou. Just keep on living," he told me laying back on his back.

"You don't understand," I said. 

He looked up at the ceiling. His eyes ran over to lights and looked at every dot on the ceiling he saw. It was as if he was in another world. He blinked slow. His chest stopped rising and falling. His heart monitor was fine. He just stopped breathing. 

"Harry?" 

I moved to sit on his hips getting him to breathe again and let his eyes focus on me.

"Don't scare me like that," I told him.

"I'm sorry," he said a little muffled from the mask.

"You keep acting like this is okay, like everything's okay. It's not Harry, you aren't okay," I said letting tears fall down my face again.

"Lou, it's okay. I'm okay right now. I'll be okay. We'll both be okay."

"You can't keep doing that. You can't keep forgetting to breathe, Haz. It's scaring me. I can't lose you like this," I said laying on him softly and placing my head under his head. 

"What's so bad about losing me? I'll be just fine," he said petting my hair.

"Yeah? Well, I wont be, okay? I can't lose you. I wont lose you, not like this. We're supposed to go together. You promised. You made love to me, you told me you loved me, and you promised you wouldn't leave me alone. There's still so much we haven't done, Haz."

I looked up at him letting him wipe the tears from my eyes with his thumbs before smiling. 

"I know. Just focus on right now, okay?" 

I nodded letting him grab my hips. He slid them up to my waist and back down to my hips. He liked feeling my curves and my hips. He loved grabbing them. I smiled at the memory of us in bed together. Every time he was about to take my pants off he'd squeeze my butt and makes stupid honking noises. I always told him to stop and that it was annoying. I'd never tell him this, but I actually find it funny and I try my hardest not to smile when he does it. He never says anything, but I know he's caught me smiling once or twice. 

"Harry, take a deep breath," I said. 

He let out a breath. His curious eyes looked at me and watched me on top of him. It took him a second to realize what I was doing. Once he realized he nodded and took a deep breath. I moved his mask down before kissing him deeply. His hands run up my back and pull me closer to him. I smiled into the kiss when I felt his hands squeeze my ass through my jeans. I pulled back. 

"Honk honk," he said squeezing them with each honk. 

I put his mask back on him. 

"Fucking pervert," I mumble. 

He hears this and laughs softly before coughing. I didn't flinch that time. I just laid in bed with him by his side. He laid sideways pulling me close to him. He took my hand putting it on his chest and placing his forehead on mine. 

"You feel that," he asked adjusting his mask so I could hear him and he could still breathe. 

I felt the fast pound of his heart and I nod looking up into his eyes.

"You hear that monitor over there," he asks me .

I didn't notice until now but it was a fast annoying beep. Why was it so fast? I nodded letting him smile at me. He kisses my forehead before putting the mask back on. He looks deep into my eyes before rubbing my hand with the one he placed on mine. He moved his mask a bit before speaking clearly. 

"That's all you, Lou."

I stayed quiet waiting for him to say something. He smiled listening to the fast beats and closing his eyes a second. He kept breathing with the mask on and stayed quiet. He smiled underneath the mask before opening his eyes. He took a deep breath before removing the mask. 

"That beeping. This fast beating. This smile. It's all for you. It's all because of you. No one else will ever make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like this. All my life I wanted a miracle, to really see a miracle, and I have. I've seen the most beautiful miracle in the entire universe." 

"That's great, Harry. Look, you really need to rest, why don't you sleep, and after you rest we can talk all about this miracle." 

"Why would I talk about the miracle when you can see it? You can see it all the time," he said putting the mask on.

"See it? What do you mean? Is it the toilet seat warmers in the bathroom? I've seen those before, Haz," I told him.

He shook his head smiling and laughing a bit before coughing. I watched as his hand moved to the stand next to him. It felt around for a small square. He took it out flipping the thin plastic piece before turning it to me and letting me look at it. I saw my reflection and realized at once it was a mirror. He removed his mask. 

"Look in the mirror," he told me.

"It's just me, Harry." 

"You're the most beautiful miracle I've ever seen," he said.

"You are so corny," I laughed wiping my tears as he moved his mask on his face.

"I love you," he said smiling after taking a deep breath.

"I love you too," I said. 

He grabbed the button and waited for the nurse. 

She quickly walked in the room.

"Yes, is something wrong," she asked. 

"I'm going to walk around," he said. 

"Oh, well, you should stay in bed."

"No. I'm going to walk around," he told her.

"Alright, but just walk with someone," she told him. 

Harry took my hand and smiled. 

"Come with me," he said. 

We got out of his bed and walked while he had on the breathing tubes. It was a slow walk, but it was nice. He held my hand and led me into the elevator to the top floor before we went up the stairs to the top of the building. Once we were on the top of the building he looked at the view and smiled. 

"Why are we at the top of the building," I asked. 

"Because there's something I haven't told you."

"And you want to tell me up here," I asked.

"Yeah. The doctors talked to me a few days ago. The thing in my lungs, it's not what they thought it was. It's cancer."

I covered my mouth before letting him continue.

"The doctors say they can't remove it and I don't have much time left."

"Why are you doing this, why tell me now? Why lie to me earlier about you being okay," I asked him.

"Because I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to see you cry because there's something wrong with my lungs. I wanted you to smile and not think of me as a dead man walking."

"What do you want me to say? What do you want me to think? Want me to pretend like everything's okay, because it isn't. You're dying and I just get to sit on the side and watch. I'm scared, okay? I'm scared of life without you."

"You don't think I'm scared? I'm scared and I'm angry. I'm so pissed off that this had to happen. I don't want to leave you alone. I want to be here. I want to grow old with you...but life isn't fair." 

"I don't want to live in a world with no you. My life isn't worth living if I don't get to spend it with the only person I've ever loved," I said. 

He looked at me before stepping up on the ledge. 

"Then come fly with me," he said. 

"Harry," I said. 

"Come on. We can go together."

"Just get down and talk to me," I told him. 

"There's nothing left to say. I'm dying. I refuse to spend another fucking second in that hospital bed. I'm not going back to that bed. I've thought about this for a while and I've made my decision. I'm not coming down," he told me looking at the view again. 

I stepped up on the ledge with him. 

"Then I'm going with you," I told him. 

"Take my hand," he said holding it out to me. 

I took it and he smiled bigger looking at me. I got closer to him.

He pulled off the breathing tube and pulled me in for a kiss. He made sure it lasted a while. He pulled back smiling before pressing his forehead against mine. 

"Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath seeing his face look serious.

"I'm ready," I said. 

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. 

"Close your eyes," he said. 

I closed my eyes. 

"Don't be scared," he told me. 

"I'm not. I have you. I'm not scared when I have you."

"Then let's fly away."

"Where are we going," I asked him. 

"Home. We'll sleep together, we'll wake up together, and we'll be together. Just you and me."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Then let's fly," I told him.

I fell with him. I didn't open my eyes and I stayed in his arms. He kissed the side my cheek and pulled me in tighter. The lump in my throat was gone and I didn't feel like crying anymore. The feeling of falling made me feel incredible, like I never had to worry. I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled, and even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was smiling too. I wasn't worried about the fall, I wasn't upset that my life would soon be over, and I wasn't scared of it hurting. I felt free knowing that I wouldn't have to carry on without him. Dying would just be a fresh start, a new beginning for us, and knowing that made me happy. For the first time in months I truly felt happy. 

My head hit the concrete but it didn't hurt. It just felt sort of soft. I shifted around a little feeling something soft on top of me. It was a little hard to move but I managed to sit up. I was in bed. I held my face in my hands for a second realizing that must have been a dream. I looked at the light shining through the window. It was bright but nice. I smelled something good and assumed someone was cooking. I got out of bed and walked into the other room. I've never been in this house before. I've seen it a lot in my dreams, but I've never once been inside for real. I saw someone in the kitchen facing the stove. I recognized the dark mop of hair anywhere. 

"Harry," I asked. 

He turned to face me. He didn't look sick or pale. He looked happy and his bright green eyes were full of light again. He was smiling at me. 

"Welcome home, Louis."


End file.
